Today, somehow, I had no motivation and felt completely lacking in yaruki (the drive to take action). Now, as I’m about to go to bed, my head and heart feel cloudy and blurred. Still, amidst the haze, there were moments I indeed enjoyed.
I shared some lighthearted times with my colleague, moments that made me laugh with those I love. Funny enough, I even ended up giving a massage to my boy—he’s just 12 years old but seemed so exhausted today. (I hope he doesn’t read this diary!)
My boy is so adorable and a bit mischievous too. He’s really into games, absolutely loves playing them. Sometimes I wish I could be as captivating as those games are to kids. I find myself fascinated by games and the creative minds behind them. These past few years, I’ve been deeply impressed by how engaging and immersive they can be.
It humbles me to realize that I might not be that naturally attractive or captivating to people, but I can still help others in my own way. That, in itself, feels like grace.
Embracing My Weakness
Tonight, I thought my energy was completely drained. I felt empty, and my eyes were physically strained from the day. But as I write this, my heart feels a bit lighter. Somehow, I can empathize and connect with another human being right now. This simple act of putting words to my feelings makes me realize I am not alone in this.
Final Thoughts:
Even on days when my motivation is low and my thoughts are blurred, I find comfort in the small moments of joy and laughter. My heart feels lighter just by writing this down. There’s grace in being able to help others, even when I don’t feel strong or attractive myself.
Tonight, I choose to focus on these small blessings, to trust that God knows my heart, and to keep moving forward, even when my spirit feels weak.
Scripture Verses for Comfort and Reflection
Jeremiah 29:13-14 (NRSV)
“When you search for me, you will find me; if you seek me with all your heart, I will let you find me, says the Lord, and I will restore your fortunes and gather you from all the nations and all the places where I have driven you, says the Lord, and I will bring you back to the place from which I sent you into exile.”
Hebrew Version:
וּבִקַּשְׁתֶּם אֹתִי וּמְצָאתֶם, כִּי תִדְרְשׁוּנִי בְּכָל-לְבַבְכֶם. וְנִמְצֵאתִי לָכֶם נְאֻם-יְהוָה; וְשַׁבְתִּי אֶת-שְׁבוּתְכֶם, וְקִבַּצְתִּי אֶתְכֶם מִכָּל-הַגּוֹיִם וּמִכָּל-הַמְּקוֹמוֹת.”
(Uvikashtem oti um’tzatem, ki tid’r’shuni b’chol-levavchem. V’nimtzeiti lachem ne’um-Adonai; v’shav’ti et-sh’vutchem, v’kibatzti etchem mikol-hagoyim u’mikol-ham’komot.)
Phrase Definitions:
- וּבִקַּשְׁתֶּם אֹתִי (Uvikashtem oti) – “You will seek me”
- וּבִקַּשְׁתֶּם (Uvikashtem) – You will seek
- אֹתִי (Oti) – Me
- וּמְצָאתֶם (Um’tzatem) – “and find”
- מְצָא (Matzah) – To find
- כִּי תִדְרְשׁוּנִי (Ki tid’r’shuni) – “when you seek me”
- תִדְרְשׁוּ (Tid’r’shu) – You seek
- נִי (Ni) – Me
Final Thoughts:
Even on days when my motivation is low and my thoughts are blurred, I find comfort in the small moments of joy and laughter. My heart feels lighter just by writing this down. There’s grace in being able to help others, even when I don’t feel strong or attractive myself.
Tonight, I choose to focus on these small blessings, to trust that God knows my heart, and to keep moving forward, even when my spirit feels weak.