Struggles and Solutions for Families in Japan: My Perspective
In Japan, so many young people are struggling to stay connected to school and society. They feel lost in academic pressures, disconnected from peers, and unsure where they belong. Through meeting nearly 100 families, I’ve seen the pain of parents who want to help but feel powerless. Some kids begin skipping school a little at a time, and before anyone realizes it, they’ve completely withdrawn. This often leads to hikikomori—a deep, isolating condition that becomes harder to escape the longer it continues.
Family Challenges: A Gap That’s Hard to Bridge
Parents I meet are juggling so much: work, household duties, and the pressure of wanting their children to succeed. Communication often breaks down. Many parents don’t fully see how much their child is struggling, and they’re unsure of what to do. Teachers, on the other hand, are overwhelmed by time constraints and large class sizes, leaving them unable to step in meaningfully. This creates a disconnect that leaves many kids feeling unsupported and misunderstood.
In some families, I’ve seen mothers dedicate everything to their kids—sacrificing their own needs, their time, and even their sense of self. But instead of gratitude, they often feel unappreciated and emotionally drained. Fathers, meanwhile, may retreat in silence, feeling blamed or unheard within the family. This imbalance only adds to the stress and emotional strain on everyone.
Breaking the Cycle of Disconnection
When families stop communicating and emotions are left unspoken, relationships become fragile. Kids withdraw even further, and parents feel stuck, often leading to resentment on both sides. This cycle of isolation can be broken, but it takes effort and the right approach.
From what I’ve seen, here are some ideas to help families reconnect and support kids at risk of hikikomori or dropping out:
- Bring in a Third-Party Listener
A counselor or support worker can make a big difference. They provide a neutral space for family members to express themselves openly, without fear of judgment. - Create Casual Family Moments
Not everything has to be a big conversation. Relaxed time together—a simple meal, a walk, or watching something funny—helps families bond naturally. - Start Small
Overwhelming problems can feel paralyzing. Instead, tackle one small challenge at a time. Little successes bring hope and momentum. - Balance Emotional and Practical Support
Kids need both guidance and stability. That could mean teaching budgeting, offering career advice, or just showing emotional encouragement. Building a secure environment helps everyone. - Teach Independence Gradually
Encouraging kids to handle small responsibilities, like running errands or managing simple tasks, builds their confidence and sense of capability. - Support Self-Discovery
Helping kids understand and express their needs makes them feel heard. This strengthens their resilience and sense of identity.
Acting Before It’s Too Late
One thing I know for sure: waiting only makes things worse. The longer a family struggles in silence, the harder it becomes to rebuild those lost connections. Addressing the struggles early, with even the smallest steps, can lead to big changes.
Japan has always been built on the strength of family bonds. I truly believe that by creating space for honest communication and support, today’s families can heal and grow stronger. Together, we can give children and parents the tools to reconnect, thrive, and move forward.
Let’s not let another year, month, or day slip by. The time to act is now.
These questions are to gather insights from people in certain roles or organisations, identify key challenges, and prioritize areas for intervention. We kindly ask you to answer according to the category that applies to you. Thank you for your cooperation!
1. What do you believe is the main reason young people in Japan disengage from school or society?
- A. Academic pressure and school expectations
- B. Negative peer interactions or bullying
- C. Lack of emotional support at home
- D. Mental health struggles like anxiety or depression
- E. Other (please specify): _______
2. How often do you think parents fully understand the struggles their children face?
- A. Always
- B. Often
- C. Sometimes
- D. Rarely
- E. Never
3. What do you believe is the most significant barrier to open communication between parents and children?
- A. Parents’ work and household responsibilities
- B. Fear of judgment or misunderstanding
- C. Cultural norms discouraging emotional expression
- D. Lack of time or opportunity for conversations
- E. Other (please specify): _______
4. How effective do you think teachers are in supporting students at risk of social withdrawal or school refusal?
- A. Very effective
- B. Somewhat effective
- C. Neutral
- D. Not very effective
- E. Not effective at all
5. What do you think families need most to help children at risk of hikikomori or dropping out?
- A. Access to professional counseling or therapy
- B. Guidance on improving family communication
- C. Financial or practical support for education or skills training
- D. Opportunities for relaxed family activities
- E. Other (please specify): _______
6. How often do you think third-party listeners (counselors or support workers) are helpful in resolving family tensions?
- A. Always helpful
- B. Often helpful
- C. Sometimes helpful
- D. Rarely helpful
- E. Not helpful at all
7. What type of family activities do you think are most effective for building better relationships?
- A. Shared meals and casual conversations
- B. Outdoor activities like walking or sports
- C. Collaborative tasks or projects at home
- D. Group entertainment like movies or games
- E. Other (please specify): _______
8. How important is teaching independence to children and young adults as part of their recovery?
- A. Extremely important
- B. Important
- C. Neutral
- D. Not very important
- E. Not important at all
9. What do you think is the biggest challenge in empowering young people to rediscover their potential?
- A. Building self-confidence and motivation
- B. Overcoming societal stigma and expectations
- C. Providing practical skills for independence
- D. Encouraging self-expression and creativity
- E. Other (please specify): _______
10. What role do you think mental health struggles play in hikikomori or school refusal cases?
- A. A major role—it’s one of the main causes
- B. A significant role—it contributes to the problem
- C. A moderate role—it’s one of many factors
- D. A minor role—it’s not a significant factor
- E. No role at all
11. How often do you think societal expectations contribute to family stress and disconnection?
- A. Always
- B. Often
- C. Sometimes
- D. Rarely
- E. Never
12. What do you believe is the most effective way to reconnect families struggling with communication issues?
- A. Counseling or professional mediation
- B. Creating regular opportunities for casual bonding
- C. Encouraging open, non-judgmental conversations
- D. Providing emotional education for both parents and children
- E. Other (please specify): _______
13. How urgent do you think it is to address hikikomori and dropout issues in Japan?
- A. Extremely urgent—it’s a national crisis
- B. Very urgent—it’s a growing concern
- C. Moderately urgent—it should be addressed soon
- D. Slightly urgent—it’s not a pressing issue
- E. Not urgent at all
14. What do you believe is the most significant cause of tension between parents and children?
- A. Unrealistic expectations from parents
- B. Lack of time spent together
- C. Cultural norms discouraging emotional expression
- D. Financial or practical struggles within the family
- E. Other (please specify): _______
15. How confident are you that current solutions (counseling, school programs, etc.) are sufficient to address hikikomori and school refusal?
- A. Very confident
- B. Somewhat confident
- C. Neutral
- D. Not very confident
- E. Not confident at all
16. What additional support or resources do you think families need to help their children?
- A. More access to mental health services
- B. Financial aid for families in need
- C. Community programs to support family bonding
- D. Educational reforms to reduce academic pressure
- E. Other (please specify): _______