At Quietude, we’re learning how to care for ourselves while still helping others. We openly talk about our struggles and share knowledge with each other. We’re learning new skills like counseling, coaching, and even writing articles or speaking publicly. These are things that not only help us grow but also show the value of what we do to others.
I want us to be an example of how people can work hard to help others without losing themselves. And I want us to show others how to respect time, energy, and care by valuing it in ourselves first.
This work is not just about helping others—it’s also about building a system where everyone grows together.
I’ve met so many amazing people who dedicate themselves to helping hikikomori, NEETs, dropouts, troubled kids, young adults, and their families. These people work so hard, giving their time, energy, and care. But I’ve also seen many of them burn out or quit because they don’t have enough resources, financial support, or even someone to care for their mental well-being.
At Quietude, I’m learning that giving and giving isn’t enough—we also need to take care of ourselves. We regularly talk about our struggles, share experiences, and learn from each other. We’re building skills like counseling, coaching, and translation, and we write articles and host talk shows to grow ourselves and share what we’ve learned.
I want us to be financially compensated for the time, wisdom, and dedication we give. I also want us to recognize and set value for ourselves because what we’re doing is important and worth it.
But here’s the thing: some people don’t realize the value of someone else’s time, energy, and expertise. They may not mean to take advantage, but they don’t see the importance of giving back or showing appreciation.
Helping People Understand the Value of Reciprocity
Some people can be called “unconscious takers” or “resource seekers.” They ask for help or advice but don’t think about how to reciprocate—whether it’s through paying, offering help in return, or even a simple thank-you. They aren’t being selfish; they just don’t realize the impact of what they’re asking for.
How We Can Guide and Educate Them
- Help Them Reflect
Ask questions that make them think, like:- “When someone helps you, how do you usually show your thanks?”
- “Have you thought about how much effort and energy that person is giving you?”
- Teach Reciprocity
Show them why relationships should be two-way. Encourage them to give back in ways like:- Paying for time and expertise.
- Offering their skills or time in return.
- Acknowledging and appreciating the effort with a meaningful thank-you.
- Set Boundaries and Fairness
Teach them to recognize when they’re asking too much. Help them understand how to set limits so they don’t feel used in their own relationships either. - Encourage Empathy
Ask them to imagine the roles reversed:- “How would you feel if someone kept asking for your time and energy without ever giving back? What would you expect from them?”
What We’re Doing to Keep Growing
At Quietude, we’re learning how to care for ourselves while still helping others. We openly talk about our struggles and share knowledge with each other. We’re learning new skills like counseling, coaching, and even writing articles or speaking publicly. These are things that not only help us grow but also show the value of what we do to others.
I want us to be an example of how people can work hard to help others without losing themselves. And I want us to show others how to respect time, energy, and care by valuing it in ourselves first.
This work is not just about helping others—it’s also about building a system where everyone grows together.
The Give-and-Take Equation: A Questionnaire on Time, Effort, and Respect can help collect insights into how individuals perceive their self-value, manage boundaries, and encourage mutual respect in relationships. We kindly ask you to answer according to the category that applies to you. Thank you for your cooperation!
1. How often do you feel appreciated for the time and effort you invest in helping others?
- A. Always
- B. Often
- C. Sometimes
- D. Rarely
- E. Never
2. How do you usually show appreciation when someone helps you?
- A. By saying thank you or showing gratitude
- B. By offering help in return
- C. By paying for their time or expertise
- D. By promoting their work or recommending them to others
- E. I don’t usually think about it
3. Do you feel financially compensated fairly for the work you do?
- A. Yes, always
- B. Sometimes, but not consistently
- C. Rarely
- D. Never
- E. I haven’t thought about it
4. How often do you take time to discuss your struggles or challenges with others?
- A. Regularly
- B. Occasionally
- C. Rarely
- D. Never
5. What actions do you take to ensure you’re not overworked or burnt out?
- A. I set clear boundaries around my time and energy
- B. I regularly reflect on my workload and adjust as needed
- C. I rely on self-care practices (e.g., hobbies, rest)
- D. I openly share and discuss challenges with others
- E. I don’t take specific actions to prevent burnout
6. How often do you believe others value your expertise and effort appropriately?
- A. Always
- B. Often
- C. Sometimes
- D. Rarely
- E. Never
7. When you seek advice or help from others, how do you typically reciprocate?
- A. By offering help in return
- B. By paying for their time or service
- C. By expressing gratitude or giving a thank-you gift
- D. I don’t think about reciprocating
- E. Other (please specify): _______
8. What do you think is the most important way to show the value of your time and energy?
- A. Setting fair prices or fees for your work
- B. Clearly communicating boundaries and expectations
- C. Educating others about the effort behind your work
- D. Receiving acknowledgment and gratitude from others
- E. Other (please specify): _______
9. How often do you think about your own needs and self-care while helping others?
- A. Always
- B. Often
- C. Sometimes
- D. Rarely
- E. Never
10. How comfortable are you with setting boundaries around your time and energy?
- A. Very comfortable
- B. Somewhat comfortable
- C. Neutral
- D. Somewhat uncomfortable
- E. Very uncomfortable
11. Do you think valuing yourself helps others value your time and effort more?
- A. Yes, absolutely
- B. Yes, to some extent
- C. Neutral
- D. No, not really
- E. No, not at all
12. How often do you engage in learning or growth activities to enhance your skills and self-worth?
- A. Regularly (weekly or monthly)
- B. Occasionally (a few times a year)
- C. Rarely
- D. Never
13. What would make you feel more valued in your work or efforts?
- A. Fair financial compensation
- B. Acknowledgment and appreciation from others
- C. Opportunities to grow and learn new skills
- D. Better understanding of your work’s impact
- E. Other (please specify): _______
14. How do you currently manage the balance between giving to others and taking care of yourself?
- A. I balance it well and feel satisfied
- B. I try, but it’s not always easy
- C. I often give more than I take care of myself
- D. I rarely think about this balance
15. Do you think teaching others about reciprocity and valuing time could improve relationships and collaboration?
- A. Yes, definitely
- B. Yes, to some extent
- C. Neutral
- D. No, not really
- E. No, not at all